It is my 2000th entry apparently and quite a happy one.
Poor CEB, it is not his fault that he did not get the reaction he expected when he unveiled his plans. I went into a spin, there are a lot of reasons for this and it is going to take some time to work them out.
My main thing to remember is CEB is NOT Frog, he won't do the things he did, hopefully. The ripples and waves from my marriage are going to affect my personal relationships for a long time, that is something we are very aware of. (I need to sit down and explain this to my family.) More so with my reaction to his news that caught us both by surprise. After a long conversation, talking about time lines, worries and expectations here is the news.
CEB is coming to visit, hopefully a long extended visit. The reason for the visit is to get to know me a little better than hour chats on Skype. It is a testing visit. Just to see little old me. ME!
I am excited but am not bouncing around like a loon, this cat has been kicked too many times for that, I have promised that i will when he has booked his ticket. Which he intends to do in the next few months. There is a little mort doing a large happy dance inside my head. I have a smug smile and at the moment ignoring the knot in my stomach.
We are not calling this a relationship for a number of reasons, mainly because I am not quite comfy with that with both of us on different sides of the world. Also is means we are both free agents if something tasty comes past. I have an ongoing arrangement that is working for the three of us, that will stop when CEB arrives if not before. I need time, to get sorted in my head and comfortable the person I am and reclaim the bits I lost and learn to ignore the negative things that I still hear repeated to me. In short repair myself.
A wise pink haired woman suggested CEB could be worried, CEB was worried about one thing, but he has a lot of work to do to hurt me more than this year has hurt me.
So 2009 might have a tiny silver lining, which is good considering it has been the most horrible year ever, for me.
I have been told 2010 is going to be "awesome", considering how excited CEB was I can not really help but to agree and grin.